I woke up early from a near-sleepless night with a pit in my stomach.
I went to a nearby park and shot baskets before I saw any walkers pass by. The sun began to peek over the trees as I bricked shot after shot (after shot after shot).
I could not seem to escape this inner-restlessness.
To be clear: no part of me didn’t want to be with Mikayla. I strongly desired to move forward with our relationship.
The significance of the commitments this put on my path was overwhelming.
Maybe thinking of how a decision like this shapes your life forever should rock you a bit.
I think it’s proof you’re awake.
As I drove away from the park and towards the ring shop, I saw a banner hanging on an apartment screaming at me,
What this has to do with renting a one or two bedroom unit at this apartment complex still puzzles me to this day…
BUT, at a pivotal moment in my life, this cliche banner off the highway nudged me in the direction I wanted and knew I needed to take.
I could not wait for the fear to clear up.
Steven Pressfield once wrote, “The more scared we are of a work or calling, the more sure we can be that we have to do it.”
There is nothing overly pleasant with fear.
Fear feels like treading water in a world of unknowns with no
or exits in sight.
It can seem like the cruelest of tricks.
Fear can be a useful guide in pointing you towards survival. After all, your body’s primary mission is to simply keep you alive.
Bessel VanDer Kolk refers to the amygdala as the smoke detector of the brain, working to identify and protect us from sources of danger. Our amygdala has aided in our collective survival by responding to threats, but it is far from perfect.
Your amygdala can be triggered and all alarms blaring as if you have stumbled upon a pack of lions when you are actually presenting to your team or playing guitar at an open-mic night.
Your amygdala is trying its best to keep you safe.
Beyond survival, fear can serve as a guidepost towards greater depth of living, possibly even thriving.
What Pressfield is saying is the fear you feel when considering a relationship, new job, a project, hobby, or conversation you have been avoiding may be a sign of its significance.
This is an invitation to whoever needs it: your fear and moments of greatest hesitations in your pursuit might be pointing to how meaningful and necessary this endeavor is.
Make the phone call.
Have the conversation.
Allow yourself to be vulnerable.
Acknowledge the fear.
Listen and lean into it,
And consider the fear you’re filled with may just be an affirmation of the importance of exploring this path before you.