What if the last thing you need is another thing?

Another
Book to read,
Podcast to listen to,
Event to attend.

There is an elusive nature to life.

Once you feel like you have found it,
it escapes you,
prompting another game of hide and seek.

This seeking of life.
This devouring of resources.
This reliance on authority figures (leaders, gurus, pastors, coaches, etc.) to guide you to it.

It’s worth considering:
Is it giving you what you were told it would?

The promise of fulfillment, enlightenment, bliss, salvation.
Are you experiencing it yet?

If not, why continue to run even harder to what has not worked?

Two Truths:

1) Structures depend on their members.
2) Structures create a type of dependence for their members.

This dependence keeps members close and coming back for more. If we are personally, socially, and morally dependent on this structure, what other option is there?

When our own identity, status, and belonging are dependent on our ongoing participation within this structure, life apart from it can seem unfathomable.

Of course, we must be getting something from this.
Some sort of hope, meaning, or joy,
Or a promise of a future hope, meaning, or joy.

It seems what’s promised is just thinly veiled;
Relief from any burdens is right around the corner;
Finally being made whole is only one step away,
Until it isn’t.

How many quarters have you inserted into this gumball machine without ever receiving a gumball?

Countless times,
I have watched it swirl around in slow motion,
keeping a laser focus on its movements,
only to lose sight of it
and never receive it.

Maybe you were taught this is because you, like all of humanity, are bad, unwhole, depraved.

This heavy handed answer given from authority figures typically (rein)forces submission into this belief.
With enough repetition, this becomes internalized and our starting point.

We are so flawed, we believe, there could be no other explanation for our misfortune.

So we continue using up all we have until there is nothing left,
leading us to continue playing the game of
Receiving
And
Squandering
And
Repeating.

We can become so fixated and convinced of our own inner-wrongness,
we rarely question the structure itself.

What if this machine is simply broken?
What if this structure cannot deliver on what it promises?

How many more quarters are you going to throw away?
How many more examples do you need to see that this structure simply may not work?

If the system you find yourself in works for you,

Great.
Enjoy it.
Don’t deprive yourself of what makes you feel alive.

If the system you find yourself in does NOT work for you,

Great.
You have clarity.
Don’t stay where you feel lifeless.

What works for them isn’t guaranteed to work for you.
What works for your tribe may not work for you.

With this realization comes freedom: you are not stuck playing a part.
You are the one writing your story.

If something leaves you drained, empty, feeling like you got played,
you aren’t resigned to reside there for another moment.

Sure, there may be misunderstandings, eyerolls, and rejections.
Do you need another’s understanding or acceptance to live the life you yearn to live?

Conforming is easier,
Until it’s not.

It works,
Until it doesn’t.

Life as normal may no longer be the normal you want,
And to go on as normal would be to leave your life unlived.

Would we refuse to waste another
Breath,
Day,
Year,
Our very lives
running to what promises satisfaction but has left us starving.

May you seek and find what brings you life.